*Tad dramatic, i don’t actually. Just wanted to get your attention.
So, expanding on that little disclaimer above. I don’t hate being a woman, for the most part. And by that i mean no chance would i ever want to be male (nothing personal, just me) so i’m sticking with what the good lord gave me. I suppose i just want to have a little moan about all the things i really can’t stand about being a woman, so apologies in advance to all the guys reading this but you’ll probably hate it.
It’s more i hate the things that we have to put up with everyday, things that men don’t even give a second thought. I hate feeling constant fear whenever i’m out by myself, i worry that i’m an easy target and i try to appear as confident as i can possibly can. Despite feeling like my heart is about to drop out my arse from fear.
Thing is, i love Edinburgh at night time. I think it feels so magical and i love being there when it’s dark. But not alone. I don’t know if Edinburgh is a prime spot for rapists and/or murderers, but i think i’d rather not take that chance. It sucks that, as a woman, i feel like i can’t walk around by myself at night. I’m a night person through and through, but also confined to safe, busy areas cos ya girl doesn’t really wanna die.
The sad reality is that we are a target, and even if you’ve never been directly affected by these kinds of things, it doesn’t stop you being scared. Scared that if you reject a guy who’s trying to hit on you, he might try and hurt you. That the person a few steps behind you is following you, waiting for a quiet area so they can strike. It probably seems a bit dramatic but honestly, you can never be too careful.
The My Favorite Murder podcast (it’s ace, listen to it) has a saying which is Fuck Politeness. You’d rather slightly offend somebody by crossing the street, locking your car doors or whatever else you feel safe doing, than be dead. That’s basically it. Don’t put yourself at risk just to be polite to someone you don’t even know, and that’s what i try to live by now. I don’t listen to music if i’m walking alone at night and stay hyper-alert. It’s just what we have to do.
The thing that affects my life the most right now is birth control. I have to be on it, i don’t want a child, but the side effects make me want to just give up and swear off sex until i want to have a baby. Old-school style. I’ve had a LOT of difficulty with birth control but i’m also afraid of it and what it can do to me. If you wanna know a bit more about my history with birth control in depth, you can read my post about the pill & the injection.
So what i’ve not mentioned in the above posts is that i’m actually back on the pill, but a different one to the one i spoke about. The name escapes me right now but it’s been pretty much problem free for the majority of the time i’ve been on it – almost a year. I started off with a lot of acne, which made me cry like every day, but once it eased it was pretty smooth sailing. I haven’t had mood swings any worse than normal and although the acne has started back up again a little bit, it’s not enough to send me marching down to the doctors demanding a change.
What is enough, is the fact i don’t really know who i am without these extra hormones. I’ve been on some form of hormonal contraceptives since i was about 16. I’m now 21, and i basically don’t know who i am without it. It’s quite a scary thought. I could be the most mild-mannered, easy going woman ever (unlikely) but have no idea because the pill is making me a bit moodier.
I would go hormone-free and get the copper coil, but honestly? The thought of someone going up there and doing that is just really not pleasant. At all. Like, it tightens up at the thought of it. Let’s not go digging in there, thank you!
It’s said a lot, but when the bloody hell are men gonna have to take some responsibility for contraceptives? Why are they not expected to take hormones that mess with their heads, make them fat and give them acne? Because society prefers them. And they’re pansies and can’t handle it. Boom, case closed.
Let’s also talk about periods. Firstly, how bloody funny it is when a male who has never had to discuss this topic before is confronted with it. Watching them squirm is probably the most power i’ll ever feel in my life.
I used to feel pretty ashamed talking about it, i thought it was gross and nobody wanted to hear that, right? Turns out, talking about it ain’t all that bad. I will happily let everyone know that if they speak to me this week, it’s at their own risk because i’m out for blood. Given that i’m losing so much of it right now. (Just kidding, i know it’s not blood, i am #educated)
Sneezing. Coughing. Sometimes breathing. All things that are a no-go zone when you’re on your period. The second you feel that sneeze starting to grow, you prepare for the inevitable flooding scene from The Shining that’s about to go down. The. Worst. Feeling. I can’t believe men will never know what that feels like. Sure, we’ve got childbirth simulators, where’s the period sneeze simulators??? There’s not enough sympathy for it.
Cramps will have me doubled over in my bed, wailing, because it is the only thing that gives me some release. I don’t want paracetamol, i want to literally scream. Sorry in advance, but not really, because my uterus is trying to fight its way out of my body right now.
The funniest comedy excerpt i’ve ever listened to was by Sara Pascoe when she talks about the difference between normal crazy, and period crazy. It was on a Guilty Feminist episode about periods, and she wanted to educate men on how sometimes, you will cry over everything. She cried at a log because she thought it was a dead cat and then kept crying because somewhere, there’s a dead cat. I’ve cried over the fact there’s no crisps. Like proper sat on the kitchen floor crying. That’s not something i would do if i weren’t losing body parts out my vagina.
Other things i hate about being female include:
Being catcalled/harassed in the street/out car windows. Thank you kind sir, your Corsa could do with a wash.
Those random ass long, black, thick hairs you get growing out of your face. Does evolution want me to have a beard or not?? Why are we half-assing it??
The constant pressure. Pressure to look good, pressure to have a partner, pressure to have babies. MAYBE WE DON’T WANT IT. WHY HAS NOBODY ASKED US.
However, at the end of the day, i love being female. Women are strong as hell. Definitely the stronger sex. No further comment.